Today was the first day in a while that the birds woke up before me. I was exhausted both mentally and physically so my body was telling me to sleep. Sleep and get re-charged for the seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months and years ahead.

As with every morning now I pray. I talk to God one on one. Sometimes I have a very difficult time forming my thoughts and what I want to say to him. Today was no different. I struggled to get my focus on what I wanted to say. I was all over the place. I was distracted. Finally it all started coming together. Today as I was speaking to God I asked him for guidance and patience, to give me the strength to continue on my journey; my journey of finding Jim, my journey of change.

As I was praying people who have passed on came into my thoughts, people who were there in my life and now are gone. I made a list of all these people and asked them one by one for their help. Each one was a different request but yet the same.

Today I sent a text message to a person in my life that I was negative to. A person that always had God on his side and who I used to look at as “Jesus freak”; a caring person who always had a kind word to say to others and always full of life and happiness. I was mean to this person through my words. Once again I would post things on this persons Facebook because I was jealous. Jealous of his zest for life and jealous that God was on his side and not mine. I didn’t know where to begin the text but when I did the words flowed and were sincere and from the heart. I asked him for forgiveness and also for his prayers.

As today moved on I went into my mind to start looking at the wonderful people in my life who have come to me with prayers and kind words of hope. I thanked God for putting them in my life.

I received an email from one of those friends today with a message of hope and inspiration. It was a message of putting a plan together.  One paragraph in particular stood out which read

“God has placed mature, Godly people in our life strategically to help us overcome our battles. Drop your pride and reach out to the wise counsel of others. Let them know about your struggles, ask them to help you formulate a viable plan to see victory. Once armed with the plan God gives you, it requires you to be like Joshua. Faithfully and obediently follow the plan. Trust God, put your faith in Him, He won't let you down.”

About a week ago I had put down a plan for myself and it went as follows.

Get to know God

Fix things with Gail

Fix myself

Get a job that I enjoy

Take over the bills and be responsible for them

Fix the house.

Since then I re-wrote them

Make God the center

Come to know Jesus

Keep fixing myself

Get a job that I enjoy and love waking up to go to

Take over the bills and be responsible for them

Fix the house

Fix things with Gail

I realize I have to change my priorities and love myself before anyone else can. I realize that I have to do things for myself before I can even think about fixing things with Gail

As I moved trough the day I was tired of beating myself up so I started looking at my accomplishments. Not my entire life but my accomplishments in the recent two weeks. I thought I would share them with you.

• I have found God
• I am staying close to God
• I haven’t taken an anti-depressant (I was on Prozac and two valiums a day)
• I haven’t smoked pot (something I was doing everyday)
• I am pushing forward
• I am doing things I have never done before and taking steps to better myself through words and actions
• I am reaching out to friends. Friends that I didn’t think existed
• I am listening to their advice and doing it
• I am taking responsibilities for my actions
• I am seeing a light at the end of the tunnel

Last night I received a message from a dear friend of mine. This is a friend that I grew up with as a child, a friend that I hadn’t seen in over 30 years. But through Facebook I was able to re-connect with him a year of so ago. He has been with me every step of the way through these times. He shared with me his blog that I want to share with you.

SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 5, 2012

Starting the New Year in the Right Direction

*Note: I know it's a week into February, but been thinking a lot about this again.

As we begin a new year, we all make resolutions to change the things that we don’t like or the negatives in our lives.  We don’t wake-up every morning thinking of all the things we’re not going to do, we think of the things we are going to accomplish.  It may be as simple as take shower, get to work on time, etc…  However trivial these accomplishments may be, they are after all steps in the right direction.  Baby steps!   

I was thinking that if we stop saying “don’t be late,” “don’t get in over your head,” we instead say “I am going to be on time,” “I will be organized and focused.”  This will reinforce positive thoughts and behaviors, and don’t think about all of the stuff we don’t want to do.  Start looking in the direction you want to go and stop looking down dead end streets.

Now we come to the part where we lie to ourselves and make unrealistic resolutions, right? Wrong!  Instead we are going to write down reasonable goals and list the things we are going to accomplish.  Don’t write down things like “I’m not going to…”  Instead write “I’m going to…”  Remember, baby steps.  You’re not going to wake-up one day and run a marathon; you need to work your way up to that.  For many, it may start with crawling first.  At least you will be moving in the right direction. 

If you’re feeling overwhelmed by a stressful situation and falling into your bad habits; redirect yourself by moving onto something positive.  Stopping yourself and taking a break will help you reflect on a positive outcome.  I find exercise clears my mind and focuses me on what needs to be accomplished.  The hour I walk away results in many hours of positive results.  In contrast to the time I could have wasted “thinking” about what needs to be accomplish and becoming more frustrated; thus, resulting in many negative outcomes.  You will be amazed at how well this simple process works. 

If you are trying for a better and happier you this coming year; then focus on the good.  Take time to notice the progress you are making, even if it’s small.  Stop looking at the fact that you are not where you want to be yet.  Start looking at how far you’ve come.  Keep looking at the positives, even if it means baby steps until you’re running full speed.  If you focus on “I didn’t accomplish all the things I wanted to,” or “I wasted the whole day sleeping,” you’ll continue to reinforce the failure you feel day after day.  Don’t cry over spilt milk!  It doesn’t change anything.  This reminds me of something tennis player and eight-time Grand Slam Champion Andre Agassi once said.  He stated, "Just get a day better.  Don't accept not getting a day better.  However, don't be stupid enough to try to get two days better in one day." 

Focus on the positive and believe.  It’s good to recognize our weaknesses, but working on our strengths will compensate for them.  Keep your eyes on the road ahead or you may drive off into a ditch! 

Every single second of this journey is tough. It is a challenge but I will get through it and come out on the other side of it a better person.

I want to say with all of my heart that I couldn’t get through this journey alone. I thank God everyday for coming into my life and for putting friends like you in my life. Friends I didn’t think I had, friends that are there to lean on when I am in trouble, friends that have comforting words for me and who are guiding me with words to get me through this part of my journey. My journey will never end. I will always seek guidance from all of you and hope that I can repay it back. You are special and I will always cherish you. I thank you for being there. I thank you for your inspiration.

It is true that God puts people in your life for a reason. You may not realize it until the chips are down but true friends are always there. So if you are in need, reach out to a friend, put your ego aside and share with them your struggles and ask them for help. They are there for a reason.

I am asking God to help me with my new plan. My revised plan that I mentioned above. I would also like to ask you to pray for me that God will guide me and not let me stray from my plan. I also ask that you keep Gail in your prayers. That she finds what she is looking for. That God shows her the way to happiness and forgiveness. She is an amazing person and deserves happiness and love. Please ask God to go into her heart.

Love,

Jim