Last night when I went to bed I had a great presence of comfort. When I woke up this morning that presence was very faint. I felt alone, really alone. The joy that was in my heart was still there but nowhere near where it was the day before. As I lay there I started to go over my day. What was I going to ask God for to get me through this day? I knew that sometime between 8am and noon I would be getting a visit from Sears because my hot water tank had reached it’s final stages of life. I also knew that I had one of the most important job interviews of all time at 2:00pm. How was I going to get my game face on for this interview? I had lost my momentum from the night before. So as I prayed I asked God to help me find my “Game Face” which was buried deep inside among loneliness, fear, change and emptiness. I had to find it and only had a few hours to do so. I was fighting hard to find it.

The doorbell rang and the Sears technician was here to look at my water heater. Without getting into too many details the morning started out with a few speed bumps because the Sears card had been misplaced and I called the day before to get a new one. When I asked the person on the other end if I could use the new card even though it wouldn’t be here for another 7-10 days she said yes. Just have the technician call when he gets there and we will give him your account number to put the $69 house call on the card. So as I was explaining this to the technician, the first thing he said was “that is a home improvement card and we do not accept that”. Now it was my understanding from the conversation I had the day before with “Vicky” from customer service a hot water tank WAS considered a home improvement. So I explained this to the technician and he just kept shaking his head no. So rather than go into the garage and get a hammer to smack him with it to stop his head from shaking I put my hands over my face, peered out between my fingers and looked up and said to myself “okay now what?” Just then the technician got on his phone and called his boss. As he was doing that I got on my phone and called customer service and calmly began to explain the situation. I had put on my “nice game face” and after a few minutes everything was fixed. As he was leaving he said that Sears was having a sale for friends and family members to receive an additional 10% off any purchase so he would go back to the office print off a coupon and bring it by. I thought to myself that was nice. I guess putting on my “nice game face” worked. It turned what could have been a negative situation into something more, something that I didn’t expect. He called me about 10 minutes later apologizing that the coupon was not good for hot water tanks but all the same the gesture was genuine and so was the call.

My day continued with job searches and Internet searches for hot water tanks. I kept struggling to find that excitement and enthusiasm I needed for my job interview that was a few hours away. I dug and dug and still not there. I looked up and asked God to help me find it. Guide me, show me, anything I need my “Game Face.” If I didn’t have my “game face” on they would see right through me and it would be a disaster. I needed to be on and I needed to find it fast.

So as I was checking my emails, I received a response from a friend I had written to a few days before just to see how they were doing since I haven’t talked to them in a while. As I was reading it a line in the email stood out and I was crushed. It explained that the two of them had “dissolved their marriage” after 20 years. I was floored. This was the couple that I thought would live happily ever after. I was speechless; I couldn’t even begin to form words to write back. I then started to ask myself, why are SO many people in my age group ending their marriages after 20 something years together. What is wrong? What is going on? How is this happening to all these people? I then thought of my own street and began to count. In the last 2 years 4 out of 16 people who live on my street have split, separated or divorced. I was number 5. For some reason this email weighed on me heavy. It took up all of my thoughts. How do I respond to this? What do I say? I decided not to write back until I collected my thoughts. I wanted to write back from the heart and not some generic response like “I am sorry.” I wanted to think this through. I wanted to, at the very least, come up with something that may help other than “I am sorry.” I needed something different for this person.

The clock was ticking and interview time was nearing and still no game face. Now much of my thoughts were trying to think of what was I going to say to this friend who ended their marriage. I hit the shower and as most people this is where some really good thinking happens. I do some of my best thinking in the shower. However this time I was blank. I can honestly say I couldn’t conjure up a thought, idea or worse I couldn’t find my game face. I began to panic a bit but remembered I had someone watching my back. So there I was, just like the day I entered this world, looking up, asking GOD to help me find something. Words to write to this person, help me find my center, my game face, something.

It was time to get ready for my interview. I went into the closet to get out my nemesis the ironing board and iron. These are two items that I fear. I am not even a novice when it comes to ironing but I had to do it. So there I was ironing a shirt thinking what is my strategy for this interview. Where am I going to take it, what am I going to say. Also in my mind was how was I going to respond to my friends email. So after what seemed to be hours of ironing it was time to get dressed and head out. Keys, check; phone, check; game face, no check.

As I was driving to the interview I kept asking God, help me find my game face. Help me find the right words; help me find that passion and enthusiasm I needed to bring to this interview. I arrived at the office building, parked the car, and got into the elevator. Still praying that I would find my game face. I got to the front desk, told them who I was and who I was there to see. I took a seat and waited. My mind was blank. NOTHING. All I could do was pray, as I was sitting there, in walked two people that I had worked with in the past. We shook hands and started to chat a bit. Then all of a sudden one of them said the following words; “How is your wife?” Dead silence. Then it came out. “We separated a few weeks ago.” He responded something but I did not hear it because the words “we separated a few weeks ago” echoed in my mind. This is the first time I said these words since we separated. It seemed like forever that those words kept echoing in my head. My heart began to hurt. Hurt badly. I thought not now, especially now, I need to be “on”, I need to get my game face on. We chatted a few minutes more, they left and I sat back down. My heart was crying. I said to myself, God I have only a few minutes to find my game face help me.

The person I was meeting with came out, introduced himself and into the conference room we went. Unexpectedly there was a second person joining us. So there I was, sitting there and there it came, My GAME FACE! I was on fire! Out of nowhere I was a different person, different than the person who walked into the office. I was saying things that amazed myself. I couldn’t stop. It was Jim, energetic, enthusiastic, passionate and on fire. Where did this come from I thought for a second, but there was no time. I had to keep it going, I couldn’t question where it came from because I knew. The interview went great. Since there really wasn’t a position available the person I met with said that he was VERY interested in me but needed to get approval from the top to hire ONE more person. That didn’t bother me because I know that there is a plan for me and I have gotten this far with this company getting a second interview for a job that didn’t exist. I will know by Tuesday of next week. As I left I felt good. I was on fire.

As I was driving home I started to think of what I was going to say to this friend to comfort them. What can I offer them that someone hasn’t already said? Ideas started coming into my head. Thoughts started swirling around on what I was going to write. I got home, jumped on the computer, wrote a thank you email to the two people who interviewed me then changed my clothes. I grabbed a bottle of water and sat down in front of the computer. I clicked on the email and hit the reply button. The words began to flow in response to my friends email. Not just a combination of words but sentences from the heart. The entire response, which was lengthy, was written entirely from the heart. I did not have to stop once to collect my thoughts because these were sentences and words straight from my heart. After I was finished I sat back and read what I had written and was very satisfied. I hit send and off it went, a response that was written entirely from the heart.

If you dig deep enough, fight and ask God for help he will help you and you will find your “game face.”

I could not get through this journey alone and it is thanks to you and God that I am able to make it through each day. I want you to know that I am very grateful for each and every one of you. You kind words, words of inspiration and prayer are things that are helping me and I am forever thankful.

I ask that you keep Gail in your prayers. Pray that God helps her on HER journey of finding her happiness and true self. That God reaches in her heart and replaces the sadness with the light of hope. That God reaches in her heart to forgive me for my past mistakes.

Love,

Jim