January 31, 2012

Well the proverbial cat is out of the bag regarding my “more bad news” yesterday. Yesterday morning I received a TEXT message, yes a text message that I was no longer employed. The person on the other end of the text said “they were taking the company in a different direction and my services were no longer needed.” I don’t know what was more shocking, the fact that I lost my job or that I lost my job over a text message. A text message! The very thing that was used in my arsenal to hurt the one person I love. How ironic. Am I telling you this for you to feel sorry for me? Honestly the old Jim would have. I am telling you this because it is all part of the cleansing process. It is all part of the ride. It is just one small speed bump that I hit. I WILL be employed again soon! Count on it!

Today like everyday is coming from the heart. More so today because I have an overwhelming feeling of positive energy, happiness, joy and “go get em attitude.” A feeling that I haven’t had in decades. A feeling of self worth and that I do matter.

Much of that has to do with God and the overwhelming support of friends; especially today when I had lunch with an old friend from radio. Lunch was something I needed because I haven’t eaten since the bomb was dropped on me. Don’t get me wrong I could stand to lose a few pounds. As a matter of fact I am now a few pounds shy of where I was when I got married. However I do not recommend this type of diet and the reasoning behind it.

As I was talking to my friend and giving him the entire story from birth I felt an overwhelming release of the “old negative Jim”. I felt the Jim who loved life and had a passion for success coming back. As I walked into the restaurant with him I felt good for the first time in decades. I was confident. I was feeling that feeling that I once had come back.

On today’s journey I came to the realization that the past is the past. There is NOT a thing I can to do to change it. Can I learn from it? Sure. But if I dwell on it I go back to the whole internal Jim bashing. Something that I think I have done quite well these last few decades. A place I am leaving in the past.

As I was describing my journey to my friend I compared it to Rocky IV. The one where Apollo is fighting the Russian. How Apollo comes in the ring all cocky, thinking its all fun and games until the bell rings. To me I am Apollo, my problems are the Russian and Rocky is God. As Apollo is getting pummeled by the Russian he looks over to Rocky as to tell him do not throw in the towel I can do this….wait doesn’t Apollo die? Okay maybe not a good analogy but you get the point. As much as I keep getting my butt kicked I am not going to throw in the towel. I am not going back to my corner and sit. This fight will not be called off. I am on a journey to fight and win! The bell has not rung yet and there are a lot of rounds left in this fight. There is a lot of strength behind these punches.

Back to lunch…..I cannot thank my friend Marc enough for taking the time out of his busy day to talk with me. Hear my story: my plan of attack. I have found that my conversations are now “how am I going to win this fight.” My strategy, my positive attitude. Will this “New Jim” be able to keep up the “Positive Stamina.”? YES, YES and YES. Why? Because I have God in my corner. Walking beside me, picking me up when I fall. I have a mission. I am not going to lose sight of it no matter how defeated I get; no matter how many kicks to the groin I get. I am getting up (you would think I would wear a cup by now).

At times I see god as a kitten. Soft, adorable, cuddly and loving. But have you ever seen a kitten play with a ball of yarn. Yep, I am that ball of yarn. He is batting me around; pouncing on me then cuddling me. God really does have a sense of humor.

Yesterday I was talking to my friend and he put it this way….”Jim; you and I are so much alike. Thick headed, stubborn, foolish; one, two, three, four warning shots are not going to get our attention. We both need the house to explode. We are the guy who is sitting on his front porch behind a pile of ashes that was once our house saying to ourselves…well that didn’t work”

I don’t know what the future holds. If I did I would pick the winning lottery numbers and I would be sitting on an island somewhere in the Caribbean tomorrow. Would I be happy? Not a chance because the one person who I hold most dear to my heart would be sitting next to me. However she might be happy if I gave her half and her own island about 200 miles away (insert fake laugh here).

It is funny how soothing and comforting writing is.

As I was going through my day I asked myself “what is love” Jim. Here is what I came up with. See what your answers would be. And be honest with yourself.

LOVE IS……………

Your heart skips a beat when that certain person comes in the room (check)

Being able to disagree without getting angry (working on it)

Being there for that person to laugh and cry (at one point, working on a comeback. Hey if Robert Downey Jr can do it I can too!)

Feeling a connection in your heart that is unbreakable (I do but want it stronger)

Being away from that person only for a minute and missing them (uh – what do you think)

Asking God to watch over them (yup)

Treating them how Jesus would treat them (thanks Marc). (I would fail that one, so I am seeing a tutor)

Looking into their eyes and getting lost (absolutely, just been a while)

Helping with the little things (getting there everyday)

Touching that person and feeling it in your heart (roger that again been a while but its

still there)

In love with that persons inner beauty  (well yeah duh)

Communicating without speaking (does pouting count?)

Asking how their day was and meaning it (yes, now)

Loving who you are (under construction, hopefully not as long as most major city road projects)

Cleaning the cat box without being asked (NOW)

Cooking their favorite meal for them (no ones business don’t want to ruin the surprise J obviously I just did )

Holding that person as if it were going to be the last time you would ever see them again (more than ever now)

I read something last night that I want to leave you with.

“Trust in the Lord with all of your heart and lean not on your own understanding” – Proverbs 3:5 (did I do that right?)

Love,

Jim

PS – God, I haven’t watched TV in about 2 weeks and when I went to turn it on its not working…are you trying to tell me something…again??????

Have a great day everyone.