2012 has been a year thus far that will remain in my heart and soul forever. 2012 has brought so many life changing moments; pain, sorrow, hurt, fear, guilt, feeling unwanted, unloved, that I will never ever be the same person I once was.

Today will be a day that I will never forget. Today I took another step in my faith and was baptized by Pastor Joel Olsteen.As I was waiting in line I noticed that everyone had family members with them. People who came with them to witness this life changing moment. As i looked at the chair next to me it was empty. It was only me. But for the first time in my life I was okay being alone. Because I knew that I wasnt alone, God, my father and all of my other family members who have passed were sitting next to me. I didnt feel alone. This was something that I decided to do on my own so why would I need an entourage of people there to support me. I had my support looking down on me

As I stepped into the pool I felt an amazing feeling of peace coming over my body. As I was sumbmered it seemed like I was there for hours. Peace, joy, happiness and harmony entered my body and it almost seemed as though my life flashed in front of me. All the negativity, all the hurt, all the pain and all the fear left my body.

I felt a sense of joy and the feeling like you had when you were a little kid on Christmas morning. You would look at the tree and know that those gifts under the tree were for you. You couldnt see what they were but you knew they were there and someone who cared very much for you put them there for you. This is how I now feel. I have gifts waiting for me, I dont know what they are but I know that they are there. Each day I will unwrapped one and be thankful for the gift that God has given me. No matter how small or large the package is the gift is mine, given to me by the one person who loves me unconditionally. These gifts are mine for the taking and will always be there from this day forward. Some of the gifts I may not understand why I received them but I know in my heart that they are gifts that will help along my journey.

As I write this I have an overwhelming joy in my heart that somethng big is coming my way. Something so amazing and something that will change my life forever, and for that I am excited.

I have a new outlook on life. Everyday is a gift, and everyday should be lived to the fullest. My job now is to accept these gifts and accept the fact that God is in control and every trial and tribulation that is put in front of me is a blessing and not a burden.

Throughout these last few months I have gone through some amazing expereinces. I have been humbled, I have been hurt, I have cried, I have been in pain, I have felt alone, scared, troubled, but now I am feeling a sense that all of things are all part of a bigger plan.

Thee are times that I have doubted God, felt as though he wasnt listening to me but I have realized now all I have to do is have fatih and have faith in my heart.

There are many things ahead of me that will change my life forever. Things that I once feared but no longer fear then because I know in my heart that these are all steps I have to take to get me to the next level. I am now confident that my life will have meaning and one day I hope that something that I have done or will do may inspire someone.

I want to thank all of you for your continued prayers, support, phone calls, emails and caring words. Now it is time for me to pay it orward.

James J Oktavec

August 4, 1964 - May 26, 2012