Two steps back, Zero steps forward

As I was cleaning out a drawer in the bathroom today I came across a bottle of pills that were prescribed for my “depression”. Pills that I had been taking for the last 10/12 years. Pills that I thought made me happy and pills that I thought I had flushed down the toilet. We’ll I was curious. Would I feel better if I took one of these? Would I feel better if I were to take the “prescribed” dosage? I checked the expiration date and they were fairly new and have another 12 months shelve life so I took one.

Now to remind you I was on Prozac and three Valium a day “as prescribed but a highly educated” “professional” Since January 20^th I stopped all medication because I felt I didn’t need them anymore. I flushed them down the toilet, so I thought.

After taking my “happy pill” for my “depression” I felt myself becoming more and more negative, more and more angry. I was sluggish and tired. I had no motivation to do anything. I started to think if this is happening with one pill, I couldn’t imagine how bad I was after taking one more throughout the day.

After I started feeling this way I pushed myself with all my might and went out into the yard and spent several hours doing yard word. It took all my strength to stay awake and to keep motivated and to keep working in the yard. Little things began to irritate me like a dog barking, a cat meowing for food, spilling a bag of grass the wind blowing. All of these emotions and actions that I lived and experienced in the past were resurfacing.  I was experiencing negativity and anger, emotions that I had not felt in several month. Could this just be my sub-conscious playing a trick on me. I don’t think so because of the emotional roller coaster I have been on I think I would have at least felt negativity in my repertoire of emotions. But I can honestly say that negativity, anger or lack of motivation were not any of the emotions I had been experiencing in the past few month

Am I blaming my past actions on the mini pharmacy that I was swallowing everyday “as prescribed by a professional” Yes and no, Yes I trusted a “professional” but no because I had the choice. In all fairness I did take the advice of an experienced shrink.

I now realized that these pills were making me act like a person that I was trying to avoid. I had looked the definition of irony in the dictionary and saw above scenario play out under the definition.

So next time you have a problem and you visit the local snake oil salesman I would suggest that before you cash your prescription in ask God for help instead of a “professional drug dealer.” I am going to go out on a limb here and say that God has more credentials that a shrink.

Ask the one person who can help your mind get straight. God. After asking God, then do as he says as well as seek reference from the bible.

I stopped taking my “happy pills” and switch over to the best physician not on any insurance plan and I can say with all my heart, he had the best prescription…..His word.

Have a Happy Easter and Enjoy Your Family Today because we do not know what tomorrow holds

Love,

Jim

Handy Little Chart...God has a positive answer for you

There are times when we all need a little help from above. There are times when we feel down and out and need some spiritual fuel. Here is a “Handy little chart” that can be helpful in those times of need.

YOU SAY	GOD SAYS	BIBLE VERSES
You say: 'It's impossible'	God says: All things are possible	( Luke 18:27)
You say: 'I'm too tired'	God says: I will give you rest	( Matthew 11:28-30)
You say: 'Nobody really loves me'	God says: I love you	( John 3:1 6 & John 3:34 )
You say: 'I can't go on'	God says: My grace is sufficient	(II Corinthians 12:9 & Psalm 91:15)
You say: 'I can't figure things out'	God says: I will direct your steps	(Proverbs 3:5- 6)
You say: 'I can't do it'	God says: You can do all things	( Philippians 4:13)
You say: 'I'm not able'	God says: I am able	(II Corinthians 9:8)
You say: 'It's not worth it'	God says: It will be worth it	(Roman 8:28 )
You say: 'I can't forgive myself'	God says: I Forgive you	(I John 1:9 & Romans 8:1)
You say: 'I can't manage'	God says: I will supply all your needs	( Philippians 4:19)
You say: 'I'm afraid'	God says: I have not given you a spirit of fear	( II Timothy 1:7)
You say: 'I'm always worried and frustrated'	God says: Cast all your cares on ME	(I Peter 5:7)
You say: 'I'm not smart enough'	God says: I give you wisdom	(I Corinthians 1:30)
You say: 'I feel all alone'	God says: I will never leave you or forsake you	(Hebrews 13:5)

God Works In Mysterious Ways

I’ve heard it a million times but never really gave it much thought. I never really experienced God Working in Mysterious Ways until Friday.

I had just gotten home from work on Friday and my faith in God was starting to fade. I had hit the proverbial brick wall as they say. The weekend was beginning and this was going to be my first weekend alone in San Antonio since I moved here and the thought of not seeing my kids and grand kids was starting to wear on me. I have been gong back to Houston on the weekends to spend time with my daughters, grand kids and to attend Lakewood Church. I have found a new home at Lakewood and enjoy going to it with my daughters and Gabriel.

I was laying in bed talking to God. I was asking him if He could give me a sign  for me to re-gain my faith. Something to show me that He really was working on me, something to give me a glimmer of hope. As I was talking to God I received a text message from Gail asking me if I was coming to Houston this weekend. Not thinking much of it I responded no. At first the old Jim started to surface and I started to ask myself, why would she want to know if I was coming to Houston? But I stopped thinking about it because reading into things has done nothing but cause me problems so I let it go. She texted me back saying that she was going to spend time with Gabriel on Saturday after work. Usually when I come back to Houston Gabriel will come to house and spend the night with me “in the big bed”, “eat chocolate sandwiches”, and “play hoopses.” I was happy that Gail was going to spend time with him because I know how much she loves him and how big of a smile he puts on her face.

So after my text from Gail, I thanked God for the conversation with Gail and continued talking to Him. I wasn’t  feeling sorry for myself , just my faith was fading and I wanted to know that He was there. If you know me I have a hard time trusting and I am working on it everyday, but I still have moments where I just cannot seem to gather the strength to have faith. Being new at this it isn’t easy for me, but I am NOT giving up.

So as I was talking to God I felt myself drifting off into a sleep. As I was drifting off my phone rang. I looked at the time and it was 11:45pm. I noticed the call was from my daughter Rachel. I knew from a previous conversation earlier that night that my daughter was having dinner with her boyfriend and thought it was odd that she was calling me so soon.

As I answered the phone I heard the following words that will live with me forever…”dad, something really bad just happened”. I will never forget those words as long as I live. She was crying uncontrollably and it was very hard to understand her. She told me that she was in a car accident and it was bad. I asked her if she was okay and she said, “I think so.” As I was trying to get information from her I heard a voice yelling, “are you okay.” Hearing those words my heart sank into my stomach and I could hear sirens in the background. I was helpless. I wasn’t there to hold my baby. I was scared. I asked her what happen and she said, “I don’t know.” I asked her again and she said that her car was really messed up. I asked her to give the phone to the person who was asking if she was all right. He told me that my daughter had hit a metal box. Wanting more information I asked him what happen? He said that there was an accident on the other side of the highway and that a metal box had flown off a truck, landed on my daughter’s side of the highway and she hit it. I asked him if my daughter was okay and he said that she seemed to be except that she was really shaken up. I asked him to please put my daughter back on the phone.

I calmed her down and asked her what happen. After a few minutes she was able to tell me that a truck had crashed into another car on the other side of the highway and a steel box the size of a coffin flew into the air and hit her car as she was driving. She told me all she saw were sparks, tools, tanks and a huge metal box flying at her. She said the box hit her car and after it hit her car the airbag went off. I continued to ask her if she was ok and she said I think so. By this time paramedics and police were on the scene and I talked to both. They assured me that my daughter was fine, just very shaken up.

As I was talking to her my heart was pounding and I began to get dressed. I told her that I was coming for her and not to worry. Daddy was on his way……I stayed on the phone with her as I got into my car and began a 3 hour ride to Houston. I didn’t care how long it was going to take I needed to see my baby. I needed to comfort her and be there for her.

Eventually she was calmed down and I spoke to the police officer who was on the scene. He assured me she was okay and that he would take her to the police station until I arrived.

During my entire drive the only three words that I spoke out loud were THANK YOU GOD. As I arrived at the police station I could see my daughter through the lobby windows and joy filled my heart. She was okay, shaken but okay. I ran to her and held her and didn’t want to let go. I looked up and said out loud THANK YOU GOD FOR PROTECTING MY BABY.

As we were driving back to the house she feel asleep and as I looked at her all I could see was my daughter as a little girl. Tears of joy rolled down my cheeks because she was still with us.

I spoke with the officer who was there and he told me had she been traveling ½ mph faster the metal box would have gone through the windshield, or had it hit six inches higher the outcome would have been a lot different.

As we walked into the house I stopped her in front of the stairs and hugged her. I didn’t want to let go. I again thanked God for protecting her.

After calling the insurance company I laid in bed thanking God and began going through the series of events of that night in my head. Then I realized something that at the time didn’t seem relevant to the situation but after thinking about it would play a huge role in the events of the night. My daughter who is directionally challenged missed her exit and was 15 miles past it.

Then I thought to myself that a few hours earlier I was asking God for a sign, a sign that He existed, a sign that He was there. God saved my daughter that night. God does work in mysterious ways.

Keep the Faith

Jim